


The Wolf and the Lamb

by KaliopeShipsIt



Series: Alliteration-Verse [18]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Aiden!Mpreg, Alive Aiden, Derek is a Failwolf, F/M, First Dates, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Humor, In parts ;), Kid Fic, M/M, Misunderstandings, Original Child Characters, Past Derek Mpreg, Past Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-12
Updated: 2015-07-12
Packaged: 2018-04-09 00:41:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4327236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaliopeShipsIt/pseuds/KaliopeShipsIt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles and Derek's oldest daughter goes on her first date. </p><p>Derek and Stiles can totally handle it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Wolf and the Lamb

**Author's Note:**

> My Lovelies!
> 
> It's been a while since I've done something in the Alliteration!Verse and after the enormous angst-fest that was "Expiration Dates" I figured I'd write something humorously and fluffy next.
> 
> It turned into a little bit of a crack!fic, but this is the series that includes Scott's Twinkie-Poem, so I figure that's ok once in a while :).
> 
>  
> 
> Disclaimer 1: I don't own Teen Wolf
> 
> Disclaimer 2: Please do not post my stuff on Goodreads or any other such site

“Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!”

Fifteen years ago, Stiles would have probably flailed right out of his skin if someone had jumped on his chest at 7 in the morning and started bouncing without warning.

Five kids and plenty of over-enthusiastic toddler-wake-up-calls later, however, his response was somewhat less of a heart attack and more on the side of resignation.

Resignation concerning his eternal lack of sleep that was.

Blearily, Stiles cracked open one eye and blinked at his three-year-old youngest, his jaw creaking unpleasantly as he yawned.

“Gnragh,” he responded, following it up with a similarly eloquent ‘oof’ sound as Kara barely missed his solar plexus when she jumped again.

Her light brown hair was tussled and her entire face, which was so similar to his, was shining with excitement.

“Daddy! Wake up! I have a _seeeeeecret!_ ”

Groaning, Stiles turned on his side, grabbing his pillow as he went and burrowing his head under it.

Kara, however, was undeterred by her father’s grumbling and simply continued to poke him.

“Daddy! Wake up!” she repeated and Stiles grumbled louder.

“S’not a secret if you tell Kara-Mia. Tell Papa your secret,” he muttered, lazily reaching out one hand from under the pillow and blindly poking into what he assumed was Derek’s back.

“Papa is sleeping. You’re up!” Kara informed him, crawling up towards his face and wedging herself right between him and Derek.

How his mate of over 25 years was able to sleep through little feet kicking against his kidneys Stiles would never understand.

Then again, Derek definitely had plenty of experience with his organs being kicked by tiny feet, so maybe his mate’s stoic refusal to wake up wasn’t really that surprising after all.

When Kara lifted the pillow and stuck her head right under it with an excited grin Stiles gave up.

“Mornin’ baby-girl,” he muttered, tapping against her nose with his index finger fondly before he closed his eyes again, hoping against hope that his werewolf daughter would fall asleep as well.

“Secret, Daddy!” Kara whispered – it was more an exclamation than a whisper but she had clearly been going for the latter, so Stiles was willing to indulge her – and patted his cheek.

“Alright,” Stiles yawned, making his best effort to open both eyes at the same time.

“What’s the secret?” he asked and this time Kara actually succeeded in dropping down to a lower volume when she said, “Leo-Pie has a boyfriend!”

Stiles had about 0.5 seconds to process this announcement before two very expressive eyebrows shoved their way under the pillow as well.

Coincidentally, so had the rest of Derek’s head, but Stiles was readily willing to admit that his husband’s eyebrow game hadn’t been this impressive in quite a while.

“What was that Kara?” Derek asked, sounding suspiciously awake for someone who had pretended to be a sleeping possum only seconds ago.

“Leo-Pie has a boyfriend!” Kara repeated dutifully, twisting around so she could pat Derek’s stubbly cheek with the hand that wasn’t currently pulling on Stiles’ ear in an act of misguided gentle-baby-werewolf-affection.

“Who said that?” Stiles squeaked, finally having found his voice again, and Kara grinned.

“It’s a secret!” she explained and Derek shook his head.

“Kara-Mia, remember how we talked about good secrets and bad secrets? A good secret is that we don’t tell anybody that you, me, Leonie, and Cas are werewolves. A bad secret is when big sisters have secret boyfriends!” he said firmly, his eyes flickering to Stiles’ with something that was undoubtedly panic.

Before Stiles could reply (whether he wanted to agree with Derek or chastise him for encouraging Kara to tattle on her sister even further he wasn’t quite sure yet) the door to their bedroom creaked open and a moment later Cas, their 8-year old younger son, pulled the pillow away from his fathers and little sister’s face.

“You weren’t supposed to tell Kara!” he pouted, shaking his head at the younger of the twins and Kara’s eyes widened.

“But it was a secret!” she defended herself, staring between Derek and Stiles in confusion.

“Always tell Daddy and Papa secrets!” she continued and Cas groaned.

“No Kara! Grown-ups have their own secrets and kids have their own secrets. Kids don’t tell kids’ secrets to grown-ups!” he explained somewhat impatiently and Stiles nudged his arm in protest.

“Daddy’s going to pretend he didn’t hear that!” he said sternly, turning to Kara, who, completely unperturbed by Derek’s huffing and puffing, had pushed her back against her father’s chest and was clearly enjoying this morning snuggle-session.

“Kara, don’t listen to your big brother. Big brothers know nothing! Daddy’s little girl is always going to tell me everything, right?” he asked, reaching over and tickling her soft belly.

Kara began to squeal excitedly, her tiny but strong limbs flailing everywhere and Derek let out an annoyed ‘oof’ as he hoisted her into the air with one hand and gently dumped her on Stiles’ chest.

“Should we punish you for telling on your sister by tickling?” Stiles asked teasingly and Kara barely squeaked out “No!” before Stiles had already lifted her into the air, flying her over his chest as Cas took over the tickling, his pouting expression giving way to amusement.

“Don’t tell on your sister – unless it’s an important secret, then you can tell on your sister!” Stiles informed his youngest daughter gravely and Kara squealed even louder, her hair flying everywhere.

She was so loud that Stiles wasn’t really all that surprised when the door opened again and their 11-year old oldest son Noah poked his head inside, a curious expression on his face.

“You guys are really loud,” he observed, shaking his head as he climbed on Derek’s side of the bed and sat down cross-legged next to his werewolf father.

“What’s going on?” he yawned and Stiles grinned.

“Your sister is getting tickle-punished for being a little tattle-tale,” he explained, lowering Kara to his chest so he could wrap her up in a bear hug, and Noah’s eyes widened.

“You weren’t supposed to tell!” he protested, blushing when Derek’s head shot towards him.

“Your sister really has a boyfriend?” he exclaimed and Noah blushed even further.

“M’ not s’posed to tell,” he mumbled and Derek groaned.

“Why are we _always_ the last to know _anything_ in this house these days?!” he lamented and really, considering all the ruckus that morning, Stiles absolutely wasn’t surprised when the door to their bedroom opened yet again and Leonie marched inside, carrying a half-asleep Maggie on her hip.

“You guys are really, _really_ loud,” she huffed, a tiny blush on her cheeks as she deposited Maggie on the bed, where their older twin girl immediately curled into Stiles’ side, stuck her thumb in her mouth and continued to sleep.

“Leonie,” Derek said conversationally, his tone somewhere between “Where did my baby-girl go, woe is me” and “I’ll rip that boy’s throat out with my teeth” and Leonie smiled sheepishly.

“Uhm … Daddy, Papa? There’s something I wanted to tell you …”

 

===================

 

As it turned out, Leonie did not have a boyfriend – yet.

She did, however, have a date, the planning of which Cas had ‘accidentally’ overheard the night before and then gleefully told Noah about, which had in turn been eavesdropped on by Kara and Maggie.

Afterwards, there had been a lot of lamenting: Leonie’s on account of having one too many nosy little siblings with super-hearing, Derek’s on account of their baby-girl growing up, Stiles’ partly on account of feeling old (a sentiment that had elicited a bark of laughter from the Sheriff before he had hung up on him) and partly because of the inherent wickedness of teenage boys, Cas’ on account of cooties defiling his beloved big sister, and Noah’s on account of the blocked bathroom, where Leonie had barricaded herself for over three hours to figure out how to style her hair _just_ right.

A couple of hours later the Sheriff and Melissa had picked up Noah, Cas, Maggie, and Kara for a long-planned sleep-over and Stiles and Derek were snuggled on the couch downstairs, waiting for Leonie to present them her final outfit choice for the date.

“Do you remember how you once foolishly said that you didn’t want to have any guns in the house?” Stiles griped and Derek groaned, gently nudging his mate’s side.

“It’s a good thing, too, considering you look like you’d want to use them on that poor boy right now my love,” he replied, heaving a deep sigh of his own that, to Stiles, sounded very much like he wasn’t all that happy about their oldest entering the dating scene either, despite his protestations to the contrary in light of his husband’s increasing anxiety.

“I knew sending her to high school was a bad idea!” Stiles muttered and Derek scratched at his ear thoughtfully.

“Look at it this way Stiles – she’s almost done with her freshman year, we only have three years of dating-adventures left. We should look on the bright side, right?” he mumbled and Stiles groaned.

“Until _Noah_ goes to high school, then Cas, and then Maggie and Kara, who’ll probably go on _double dates_! Why did we think having children was such a great idea if they’ll just go and leave us for other people?” he huffed and despite his own uneasiness with the entire situation Derek couldn’t hold back a snort.

“Should we give her the talk again? Just to be sure?” Stiles asked with a pained grimace and Derek snorted again, this time with much more intent.

“I am quite sure she’s still traumatized from the first one. You know, the one she got three versions of because after we were done Scott remembered me saying it was ‘Alpha-Business’ back when everyone was having ‘Oopsie-Babies’ and just wanted to do the right thing and Jackson wanted to practice for when he had to give the unicorn-free version to Josie?”

Stiles huffed at the memory.

“Stop huffing and puffing as if _you_ were the big bad wolf, our daughter isn’t an idiot. And besides, I have faith that I can terrify that poor boy so much he won’t even _think_ about putting his hand anywhere other than her hand for the next year at least,” Derek tried to reason, grinning when Stiles let out an almost vicious growl worthy of a werewolf mate.

“Do we even know _anything_ about that boy?” he asked and Derek shrugged.

“He’s a Sophomore and I think his name is Charles? Charlie? Something with a C,” he replied, raising his eyebrows when Stiles’ eyes widened.

“He’s an _older_ boy?” he exclaimed and Derek lightly slapped the back of his head.

“Hey! We really can’t fault her for that, can we now, _right_ Stiles? Especially not for only one year, wouldn’t you agree?” he asked pointedly and Stiles huffed again.

“Guess not,” he said unhappily, looking at Derek with a very put-out expression.

“But Charles, really? What is he, British royalty or something?”

Derek snorted.

“Possibly. Or his parents are just really old fashioned. In any case, as parents of children whose names begin in alphabetic order we probably shouldn’t judge. At all.”

Stiles let out a surprised bark of laughter, much like the first time they had come to realize that particular coincidence, two weeks after the twins had been born.

“Jonathan, Kara, Leonie, Maggie, and Noah would be in alphabetic order if they had been born in that order,” he grumbled and Derek shrugged.

“Pretty sure that won’t save us from judgment,” he concluded and Stiles frowned in a manner that suggested they had more important things to attend to.

“How come _you_ aren’t sharpening your claws right now? It’s not like you’ve been looking forward to this,” he exclaimed and Derek shrugged.

“It had to happen eventually. I’m almost glad, actually, it takes the edge of the suspense off.”

He looked at his mate with a soft smile, reaching out to stroke across his cheek.

“And besides, you’ve been preparing for this freak-out ever since you pushed your face into my belly that one night and begged her to be a little boy so you wouldn’t go to prison for accidentally maiming a cow while brandishing a shotgun at her suitors. How unfair would it be if I stole your thunder?” he teased gently and Stiles cracked a slight smile.

“It’s no wonder she started calling me _Silly_ Daddy the moment she could talk, she’s been exposed to it ever since she was in-magical-utero,” he mused, grinning when Derek shook his head.

The werewolf opened his mouth to respond – and closed it again, eyes widening as he looked past Stiles’ head towards the living room entrance.

Stiles followed his gaze and his mouth dropped open.

Leonie was wearing a cream-colored t-shirt and one of Stiles’ old green plaid shirts (“The sound you just heard was my Daddy-heart exploding,” Stiles would say later), the sides of which she had tied into a knot just above her belt. Her dark hair was braided over her right shoulder and she had applied just a touch of make-up, highlighting the sharp cheekbones she had inherited from her werewolf father and her bright hazel eyes, which were shimmering with excitement.

“We are going to the Western dance, do you think I look like I know what I’m doing?” she asked nervously and Stiles blinked rapidly.

He was not going to cry because of the fact that through some weird laws-of-biology-defying werewolf mojo he and Derek had managed to create the most beautiful teenage girl who had ever walked the face of the Earth.

Nope, he definitely wasn’t going to do that.

At all.

“You look stunning Leo-Pie,” Derek said softly and Leonie visibly exhaled, beaming at her fathers.

“Really?” she asked and Stiles nodded earnestly.

“Definitely. That boy would be stupid not to fall in love with you. Just don’t let him kiss you anywhere near where Papa can hear it, or he’ll rip his throat out with his teeth,” he told their daughter gently.

“All the talk of maiming aside, please do be careful tonight Leonie. Teenage boys are … _excitable_. Very excitable,” Derek said seriously, wincing a little at his own words, and Leonie sighed.

“Papa … I have _claws_. If I need to, I’ll rip his throat out myself. Or, you know, something else. Metaphorically speaking,” she quickly amended her statement and Derek nodded, ignoring his husband’s determined nodding.

“Make sure you do. If need be.”

Leonie’s reply was cut off by the doorbell and as she went to open the door Stiles took a deep breath, gripping Derek’s hand tightly.

“We’re going to stay cool, alright?” Derek whispered, squeezing his hand reassuringly, and Stiles’ face twitched once before he visibly tried to smooth his features.

The boy that half-stepped, half-stumbled into the living room was not at all like Stiles had imagined him to be.

In his somewhat traumatizing visions of the inevitable he had always pictured their oldest with either a girl of Lydia’s caliber or a teenaged version of Derek, with bulging muscles and a surfer-dude attitude.

This boy, however, was nothing like Stiles had envisioned him to be – in fact, he was quite the contrary in almost every single way.

Standing next to Leonie was a very tall, very thin, very pale boy with long black hair, haphazardly pulled back in a ponytail. He was dressed in black slacks, a black shirt, and a black vest, exposing the pale skin of his thin arms and blinking rapidly, as if he had something in his eye.

Leonie grinned up at him, craning her neck a little as she did and when she nudged his side the boy took a haltering step forward, immediately folding his entire body into a 90 degree angle as he bowed before them in acknowledgement, mumbling “Charles Montgomery the Sixth, it is nice to meet you” so quietly that Stiles had to strain to understand him.

Stiles was quite sure he had never bitten his lip so hard in his life, barely able to keep in the – rather mean-spirited, he was well aware – relieved laughter that threatened to spill out of him at the spectacle.

The boy was probably almost a foot taller than his werewolf-daughter, but he had no doubts that Leonie would be able to defend herself against any unwanted advances in a heartbeat – was actually quite sure there wouldn’t be any advances at all, given the properly terrified expression on the poor kid’s face.

He stepped forward with a grin, holding out his hand and waving it under the boy’s nose, prompting him to shoot upwards with an embarrassed sound.

“Stiles Stilinski, pleasure to meet you. I’m the proud father of this young lady here and I’m also the proud son of a former Sheriff. With many guns. Just for your information!” he beamed, feeling decidedly accomplished when the kid’s eyes widened and Leonie hissed an embarrassed, “Dad!”

“I’m just kidding! Well … not about the guns. Or the former Sheriff part. Or being the proud father of this young lady. Huh. I guess I wasn’t kidding after all, who would have thought! But don’t worry kid; as long as you treat our baby-girl right you are completely safe! Right Derek?”

Stiles had been waiting to mortify his daughter in retribution for some of her more outrageous teenage angst episodes for _years_ now and he was loving every second of it, turning around to Derek with a delighted grin and frowning immediately when he noticed Derek’s tense expression.

“So Charlie, this is my other father Derek. His last name is Hale, just like mine,” Leonie filled in the silence and cocking her head at her werewolf father when he took a step closer, expression still tense as he sniffed not at all subtly.

“Papa?” Leonie mouthed, frown deepening, but Derek ignored her, his eyes fixed on Leonie’s date and his mouth thinning by the second.

“You’re not from around here, are you?” he asked, tone harsh, and the boy shook his head quickly, eyes widening in fear when Derek took another step forward, sniffing in concentration.

“My family is from Washington, I just moved down here with my mother!” he squeaked and Derek crossed his arms over his chest, still glaring like he was on a mission.

“Where is your family from originally?” Derek demanded next, ignoring Leonie’s increasingly pleading expression as the boy shrugged.

“Uh … from Washington? I think?”

The kid was licking his lips nervously and Stiles decided to interfere, no sure why Derek was acting like Leonie had just introduced them to a criminal.

“Shouldn’t you kids be on your way?” he said pointedly, stepping next to Derek and gripping his shoulder hard and Leonie exhaled in relief, flashing him a grateful smile.

“Yes! We really must be going! Daddy, we’ll be back at 10!” she said quickly, throwing Derek a very confused glance before she all but dragged her date out of the living room.

As soon as she was out of hearing-range Stiles whirled around, fixing his husband with a stern expression.

“Ok, _what_ was that? I thought we agreed on being cool and if I of all people could do it then why did you just almost eat that boy? I mean that literally, by the way, you were sniffing him like he was a steak, that kid’s gonna think we …”

“Something’s wrong with his smell!” Derek interrupted, stepping right into the spot Charlie had just vacated and taking more deep sniffs, the frown-lines on his forehead multiplying as he let out a low growl.

“Yeah, he bathed in cologne, probably to impress our daughter and because he didn’t know that her werewolf nose will be in for torture for the entire date, but other than that he smelled fine to me! Well, not that I’d know, since I didn’t go sniff him like he’s my dinner!”

Derek flashed his eyes in annoyance, his expression frustrated as he took another big sniff and then shook his head.

“I know that smell, Stiles! It’s been a while and I can’t quite place it, but something is not right about that boy!”

Stiles groaned, rolling his eyes in fond amusement as he wrapped his arm around Derek, trying to go for compassionate.

“Listen, Boo, I get it, I really do. I don’t like it either, but our baby girl is becoming a woman. It’s terrifying but we knew it was going to happen one day, in fact, you yourself were just saying it a couple of minutes ago when you were trying to talk _me_ down. So how about you stop being a hypocrite wolf and come upstairs with me to enjoy this kid-free evening, just like we planned!”

Derek still looked unhappy and Stiles sighed, wrapping both arms around him and nuzzling against his nose, a soft grin on his face as he kissed the tip.

“Come on Derek, it’s been forever since we’ve had time to ourselves! Leo-Pie will be _fine_ , and to be honest, I’d rather have her go and enjoy her first date with an overgrown bat than some biker-gang kid who … woah!”

Alarmed, Stiles let go of Derek when his husband let out a terrifying roar, eyes flashing dangerously and his canines showing as he took another sniff, then looked at the human with a wild expression.

“Bat! Fuck! I know what that smell is!”

“Uhm … ok? Listen, can you put the fangs away? I was going to kiss you senseless here in a second and you’re kind of ruining it with the Big Bad Wolf routine.”

“Stiles! This is serious! We have to go after them right now, we …”

Stiles let out a startled squawk when Derek almost threw him out of the way in his haste to race into the study and when he rushed after him he was greeted with the sight of an almost completely wolfed out Derek throwing around papers on the desk like a deranged baboon, a steady growl emitting from his mouth.

“Where is my phone, I need to speak to Chris _right now_!” Derek barked and Stiles took a brief second to calculate the risk of accidental claw insertion into vulnerable body parts before he lunged forward and grabbed Derek’s hands, forcing him to keep still.

“Derek!” he exclaimed, his tone urgent.

“I am seriously not following you right now, what is the problem and why do you need to talk to Chris?”

“ _Vampire_!” Derek exclaimed, voice almost high-pitched in his panic and Stiles blinked.

Then he blinked some more.

“Vampire?” he repeated, slowly, and Derek nodded, letting out a triumphant sound when he finally located the phone.

“Yes! Vampire! That scent was not human! Well, it was sort of human, but there was something wrong and now I know what it is! I need to talk to Chris about how to actually kill them, I remember I need a stake, but …”

Stiles had about a second to process this information before he jerked forward to thrust the phone out of Derek’s reach, grabbing both of his hands and holding on tightly.

“Alright Derek, hold on! I need you to think! Would any sane version of you _ever_ call up Chris _Argent_ to ask him for _hunting_ tips?” he asked as calmly as possible and Derek stiffened, his eyes widening even further before he flinched, hands relaxing under Stiles’ hold as his shoulders dropped down.

“No,” he muttered, sounding a little lost now and Stiles stepped around the table, stroking Derek’s cheeks with his fingers to calm him

“Derek, believe me, I love seeing you go all Papa Bear in pursuit of protecting our children, I really do, it gets me all hot and tingly, but trust me, if you or anyone in this family goes all Van-Helsing on that kid – who’s clearly not a vampire by the way because honestly, what are the odds even – we’ll be _short_ a daughter because Leo-Pie will disown us. With good reason! It’s not that I don’t trust your nose, but I’m sure there is an explanation! And besides, our daughter is not an idiot! She would have noticed if he was a supernatural creature, we’ve been training her for years! Stop worrying, I’m sure he’s not about to sink his fangs into her neck!”

He tried to smile encouragingly, wincing a little when Derek growled.

“Stop it! And how would you even know what a vampire smells like?” he asked, raising his eyebrows when Derek muttered, “Met one in New York, when I was looking for a place with Laura. He almost bit her but we managed to run. It took me a while to place the smell but I’m sure Stiles, this kid is a vampire and he wants to eat my baby!”

Stiles let out a sigh when Derek’s ears once more grew into pointed triangles under his hands at the idea, shaking his head in exasperation.

“Did he have a heartbeat? If he’s a vampire he shouldn’t have a heartbeat, right?”

“He did! That’s why I didn’t make the connection at first, but it was steady! Too steady! He should have been nervous when I advanced on him but he wasn’t, that means he was faking it!”

“How would he fake a heartbeat, Derek? That makes no sense!”

“I don’t know! But he did! They can make you hallucinate and I’m not talking about that rapey-bedazzling stuff from those books, I’m talking real hallucinations! He must have tricked her and we’re wasting time, I can call Chris on the way, I …”

“Put the fangs away and listen, jeez!” Stiles exclaimed, shaking his head when Derek’s eyes flashed golden in a rather petulant way that he was normally used to from Kara.

“I can see the evening is ruined for sexy-times, so … since you seem determined on ruining our daughter’s PG-rated sexy-times as well, here’s what we’re going to do! We are going to call Chris and talk to him about vampires and if he agrees that a vampire can somehow fake a heartbeat – which still sounds ridiculous to me by the way, just so you know – then we will go after them and make sure he doesn’t want to eat our child. Deal?”

“How can you be so calm right now? Our baby is in danger and we’re just … _standing_ here!” Derek snapped, phone already in hand and Stiles took it from him with a deep sigh, aware that Derek was just going to scratch the screen with his claws.

“Derek I love you, I really do, but you’ve been way too calm about this from the beginning, so now you’re compensating by freaking out completely. It’s the only explanation that makes … oh hi Chris! Yeah, this is Stiles, listen, quick question: can a vampire fake a heartbeat to throw a werewolf off his tracks? Huh? Well, Derek here thinks our daughter just went to the Western dance with a vampire and he’s going a little … hold on, what? Are you sure? _Really_?”

Stiles’ eyes widened and despite the fact that his mind was still saying “This is really ridiculous,” his heartbeat ticked up a notch, loud enough for Derek to snatch the phone away from him in alarm.

“What! What did you just say? Oh my god, I knew it, I … well how would _you_ know, you never … it’s not the same at all, daughter-dating werewolves do _not_ drain their victims’ blood, they … oh come on, reports of romantic partners being slashed into pieces are _grossly_ over-exaggerated! That is _so_ not the point! I can hear you laughing, this is _not_ funny, this is my _baby_ , she’s in danger and … I swear to god, if you don’t tell me how to kill that vampire right now, I’ll …”

Stiles took the opportunity to snatch the phone right back, interrupting Chris mid-chuckle.

“No one is killing _anyone_ right now! But just to be sure, how _do_ we kill a vampire? I’m guessing stake and garlic would be too easy, right? I mean, he picked her up during sunlight so obviously that won’t work but … really? Are you sure? Alright, thanks! We’ll call you the moment we find them!”

Stiles disconnected the call, still feeling torn between laughing and giving in to the rather uncharacteristic and thus all the more terrifying panic vibes Derek was still spreading through the entire room.

“Alright, Chris says, and I’m quoting here, the best way to kill a vampire is to stake him through the heart while wearing a garlic-garland. Apparently that immobilizes the vampire to the point he’ll hold still for the procedure, but I still think there might be another expl…”

“No time! We need to stop by the store and then go protect our baby! He won’t try anything until after sundown, we have little time!” Derek barked, grabbing Stiles’ arm and tugging him out of the house and towards their family car, ignoring Stiles’ increasingly desperate attempts to get a word in.

Approximately 10 speed-limit violations later Stiles crossed his arms over his chest when Derek unceremoniously pushed a garlic-garland over his head, already wearing his own as he broke the shovel he had just purchased in half.

“Stake!” he declared grimly as he climbed onto the driver’s seat again and Stiles just stared at him in silent judgment, having completely given up on his mate’s sanity for the moment.

Sighing, he turned back to the text conversation he had started while Derek had – apparently successfully – terrorized the supermarket employees into weaving a garlic-garland, shaking his head at his best friend’s latest reply.

_Scott: Dude, Chris has been laughing like a hyena for like 20 minutes._

_Scott: He scared Ellie out of her nap and now she’s grumpy_

_Scott:_ _L_

_Scott: She’s super cute when she’s grumpy though, so it’s all ok_

_Scott McCall has attached a picture_

**Stiles: I see your Grumpy-Ellie and I raise you sleepy Kara and Maggie sucking on their thumbs with bed-head**

**Stiles Stilinski has attached a picture**

_Scott: Not fair, dude, you’ve got two, that doesn’t count!_

_Scott: In all fairness though, I think Chris might have been messing with Derek_

_Scott: Scratch that, I don’t just think so, I’m actually sure._

_Scott: Chris just fell over laughing_

_Scott: Are there even vampires at all?_

**Stiles: Derek says he recognizes the smell and Chris did say he heard reports of vampires carrying around sound-recordings of heartbeats to trick werewolves but …**

**Stiles: I don’t know man, now that I’m thinking about it that does sound kinda dumb**

_Scott: Really dumb, actually. Like, why would they even want to trick a werewolf? Do you think we taste better?_

**Stiles: I’d ask Derek, but the idea of a vampire snacking on our daughter because she tastes better than the other girls at school might be the one thing that can send my big, bad werewolf into cardiac arrest.**

**Stiles: Me, too, now that I think about it.**

**Stiles: But seriously dude, I feel like a bad Dad for not taking this seriously but … vampires with heartbeat-sound recordings? Garlic-garlands?**

**Stiles: I mean, I know I’m the one who freaks out first normally, but somehow …**

**Stiles: Do you think I should tranquilize Derek or something? I mean, if this is his way of coping with our daughter becoming a woman then I guess I need to let him do this thing, but ... I don’t want her to hate us forever.**

_Scott: Dude, she loves you guys to the moon and back._

_Scott: For real, she used to engage Mikey in “Who’s Daddy is better” competitions when they were little_

_Scott: It was kind of unfair, really, because he was really tiny and the only word he could say was “Mama”, so she always won_

_Scott: Btw, Chris wants you to send him a picture of Derek with a garlic-garland. Says he needs it for the bestiary._

_Scott: He’s cackling like an evil witch now, just fyi, so maybe you shouldn’t send that picture, actually ..._

**Stiles: …**

**Stiles: Listen gotta go, Derek Van Halesing here is giving me the most judgmental of looks for texting while he’s busy saving our daughter from her imminent death by blood-sucking. You’ll be at the school?**

_Scott: Wouldn’t miss it for the world bro_

_Scott: Also Chris is starting to terrify me so it’s about time I get out of the house_

_Scott: Shit, now Ellie’s trying to imitate the cackling._

_Scott: I’ll buy her a cute little witch costume for Halloween_

**Stiles: Glad to know you’ve got your priorities straight buddy**

Chuckling, Stiles pocketed his phone, grin turning into a grimace when the garlic-smell assaulted his nose at the movement.

Derek was still gripping the steering wheel so hard Stiles could literally hear the dents forming and he placed a comforting hand on the werewolf’s thigh, rubbing soothingly.

“Babe … Scott says Chris has been laughing hysterically ever since I hung up on him. I trust your senses, I really do, but maybe we should ask questions first _before_ you rip that boy’s throat out with your fangs and stake your claws through his potentially undead heart?”

Derek huffed, turning into the school parking lot and bringing the car to an abrupt halt as he turned towards Stiles.

“If he’s touched my baby I’m not going to ask _any_ questions,” he said grimly, nose already twitching as if he was trying to locate Leonie’s scent and Stiles sighed the sigh of the long-suffering as he climbed out of the car, having to almost run to keep pace with Derek, who was swiftly striding towards the back of the gym.

“Aren’t they inside?” Stiles asked, panting, and Derek shook his head, gripping the make-shift stake so hard his veins were almost showing.

“Ok Derek, listen. If he’s _not_ a vampire then they probably snuck outside to make out and if we barge in there like two deranged gorillas who smell like garlic our daughter is going to hate us for the rest of her life for ruining her first date. So we’re going to be in stealth-mode! Alright? As much as that’s even possible with the both of us stinking up a storm while we’re trying to sneak up on our werewolf daughter.”

Derek didn’t reply but he did slow down his steps, gripping Stiles’ hand tightly as they neared the corner of the building.

The school district had planted a couple of new trees behind the gym the year Stiles had graduated and in the years since the garden-area had become a favorite spot for the students to hang out during break or – occasionally – make out after school.

As they tiptoed around the corner Stiles desperately hoped there would be no making-out, at least not involving his daughter, vampire-date or not.

It wasn’t that he was opposed to her getting her first kiss, per se, but he really didn’t want to witness it, a small part of him still wishing his father had properly taught him how to shoot a rifle.

Not that he was being dramatic or anything – or at least not as dramatic as Derek, who had stopped abruptly next him and was once more sniffing, this time in confusion.

“What?” Stiles whispered, and Derek turned towards him with a troubled expression.

“The kid’s scent … it’s changed! It’s earthier … more … human … as if he’d … as if he’d just feasted!”

Stiles was about to place a calming hand on his shoulder when he caught movement out of the corner of his eye.

Next to him, Derek let out a truly terrifying growl but for once Stiles couldn’t fault him, his own heart stopping in his chest despite the voice of reason in his head when he spotted Leonie and Charlie, their arms wrapped around each other as they swayed under the trees to the soft sounds of the music from inside the dance.

In hindsight Stiles would realize that – because of their height difference – Charlie hadn’t really had a choice in looming over her … but loom he did, his face pushed against the side of her head as he bent down further, hands pulling her closer towards him.

Derek growled louder, stealth mode completely forgotten and their daughter and her date broke apart, staring at Derek and Stiles – still decked out in garlic and holding wooden stakes in their hands – in confusion and mortification.

Their daughter – and her date whose mouth was blood red.

Stiles would later say it was the moment his brain took a temporary vacation.

“Leonie, get away from him!” he yelled at the same time as Derek growled “Get away from my daughter _Vampire_!”, his eyes flashing and fangs extended as his entire body tensed up, ready to charge.

A second later Scott’s strong arms were wrapped around him, his eyes glowing Alpha-red as he barked, “No! Derek! Wait!” but nothing was stopping Stiles from rushing to protect his baby …

… other than said baby, it turned out, who intercepted him halfway, her eyes wide as she yelled, “Daddy! What are you doing here, why are you screaming and waving a stake, what is this?!”

“He’s a vampire, baby!” Derek growled as he trashed in Scott’s hold, looking like not even the Alpha’s extra powers would keep him from joining Stiles in Leonie’s defense.

“Let me go baby-girl, I need to stuff his mouth with garlic! And maybe stake him, if he doesn’t agree to get the hell out of here! He bit you!” Stiles yelled, throwing a murderous glare at the terrified looking boy who had taken a step away from them, his shaking hands held up in defense.

“He’s not a _vampire_ Daddy, are you and Papa crazy?! What’s happening right now?”

Leonie was beginning to sound angry rather than shocked and Scott finally let out a low Alpha growl, his expression nonplussed when Derek finally went limp in his arms, even though he was looking at Leonie’s date like he was trying to set him on fire.

“Come here for a second, kid,” Scott directed at Charlie, sighing in frustration when the boy shook his head frantically, pointing at a still growling Derek.

“I’m sorry, but no way Alpha McCall!” he squeaked and Leonie let go of Stiles in her shock, whirling towards Charlie in confusion.

“Did you just say _Alpha_? How do you … why would you … _are_ you a vampire?”

Charlie wrung his hands nervously.

“What? No! I promise, I’m not, I just … awww, man, I knew I shouldn’t have done it! I’m sorry Leonie, I’ll just go, I’ll …”

“You wait one second, young man!” Stiles barked quickly, taking advantage of no longer being restrained by his teenage daughter as he marched forward and stared the boy down in suspicion.

“How did you know to call Scott Alpha? How did you know his name? Why did your scent send my mate into hysterics? Why was your heartbeat steady?”

“And what did you do with your mouth?” Derek added, his eyes flashing as he stepped up next to Stiles, one arm wrapped around Leonie protectively, the other around Stiles.

“Uhm …” Charlie began, looking at Scott helplessly, who – Stiles was going to have words about loyalty with him later – smiled at the boy encouragingly.

“I’m really sorry Alpha McCall, I know this is a breach of protocol. My dad’s the Emissary of the Bolton pack up in Tacoma and when my parents got divorced my mother decided she wanted a fresh start, away from all the supernatural. When I noticed Leonie was a werewolf she checked our records and realized this must be the Hale-McCall pack territory. She figured we might have to introduce ourselves after all, to avoid problems between the packs in the future, but that would have meant her calling my dad and well, that would have just caused a lot of drama at the moment, so I guess she never got around to it. I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to ruin it!”

“What do you mean you noticed Leonie was a werewolf? How did you notice?” Scott demanded and Charlie sighed, looking at Leonie apologetically.

“Uhm … she’s not really subtle? Like, her eyes keep flashing when she gets frustrated in math, for example. That’s why I asked her out – it was really cute. And of course I grew up around werewolves, so it was really hard for me to miss it in the first place. Uh … I’m sorry?”

“What about the scent? Why did you smell like a vampire when you picked her up?” Derek growled, tightening his arm around Leonie, who looked almost ashamed now, and Charlie blushed deep red.

“I … when I figured out that she was a born wolf I thought she probably had at least one werewolf parent and … well … there’s this spell, and I guess it has some strange side-effects, but …”

He trailed off, looking at Leonie in shame, then at the ground, his ears looking like they were about to burn off.

“IjustthinkyourdaughterisreallyhotandIdidn’twantyoutoknowhowIfeelIdidn’tknowitwouldmakemesmelllikeavampire!” he finally rushed out and Stiles could feel Derek’s pain acutely when the werewolf let out a low groan at the same time as Scott started laughing.

“Wait a minute? You used a spell to mess up your scent – and accidentally turned yourself into vampire cologne – so my Papa wouldn’t sniff that you like me? _Really_? That’s …”

“Very creepy, Leonie!” Stiles finished her sentence quickly, at the same time as Leonie sighed, “so romantic!” and he could feel Derek’s accusatory glare burning at him, the glare that said, “You read _Twilight_ with her, this is on you!”

“It keeps your heartbeat steady, too. The spell, I mean,” Charlie mumbled, not looking up, and Stiles was definitely going to kill Chris Argent and his faking-heartbeat-conspiracy, right after he had groveled on the ground in front of his daughter, because there was just no way they would ever be able to make this up to her.

Going by the pained look on Derek’s face, his werewolf thought so, too.

“And your mouth?” he asked, almost helplessly, and this time Leonie let out a groan, disentangling herself from Derek’s death-grip and pointing at her own mouth with a sigh.

“ _Papa_ …” she said, embarrassed, and if Derek had been an actual wolf he probably would have hung his ears in shame, the thought only a small consolation price for Stiles’ realization that the shade of red smeared across Charlie’s lips was the exact shade of red that was slightly smudged on Leonie’s lips.

Stiles hated _everything_.

Especially himself and the fact that he hadn’t tried harder to talk Derek down from his freak-out.

“Oh,” Derek finally got out, glaring at Scott when the True Alpha started snickering and Charlie hastily wiped off his mouth, looking like he wanted the Earth to swallow him whole.

“Well … I guess we should let these kids get back to their date, then?” Scott broke the awkward silence and Stiles sighed when Charlie squeaked, shaking his head wildly.

“No! Sorry Leonie, I … I just want to go home! I’m sorry! We can talk about this at school, I promise, I just … really want to go home now!” he said quickly, not looking at her, and Leonie crossed her arms over her chest in obvious disappointment, glaring at her fathers reproachfully.

“Uh … do you want us to drive you home?” Stiles asked; feeling deeply chagrined when the boy startled so badly he almost fell over.

“No! I mean … sorry, no thank you Mr. Stilinski, I have my own car so I’ll just go. Right now! See you Leonie!”

Stiles had never seen a non-supernatural creature run so fast and next to him Derek hung his head, obviously just as ashamed as he was for completely ruining their daughter’s first date.

“I think I should follow him … talk to the mom and all to make sure we avoid further confusion? Diplomatic Alpha-stuff?”

Scott gave Stiles a sympathetic glance when Leonie let out a dramatic sigh and Stiles nodded at him as he left, grateful that he was giving them privacy for the teenage-angst fest that – for once well and truly deserved – was about to rain down upon them.

He was therefore completely startled when Leonie suddenly threw her arms around both him and Derek and smacked a kiss on each of their cheeks, her eyes shining when she looked at them.

“Did you really think he was a vampire, Papa?” she directed at Derek, who nodded slowly, looking just as baffled as Stiles felt.

“So you and Daddy came to protect me?” she continued and Stiles nodded, smiling hesitantly.

“We’d never let anyone hurt you, Leo-Pie. Vampire or otherwise,” he said with conviction, seeing Derek nod out of the corner of his eye.

“Never Leo-Pie,” he agreed and then they were once more wrapped up in an embrace, their faces close enough to Leonie’s that they could both feel her smiling.

“I love you guys, too! Even if you’re both really, _really_ silly. And stink like garlic,” she decided and Stiles could almost feel the relief in his mate as he wrapped one arm around Derek and one around Leonie, intertwining his fingers with Derek’s over her back.

“I love you Sweetie-Pie,” he whispered into her dark hair, chuckling when Leonie replied, “You too, Daddy … but I think I won’t do chores for a week. Emotional restitution for the embarrassment I just suffered.”

“Seems fair to me,” Derek muttered and when their eyes met over Leonie’s head Stiles couldn’t help but smile.

Faced with the potential dangers of his child dating a supernatural creature – albeit short-lived and unfounded – he had definitely learned one thing: he really would have to buy his father that apology gift-basket one of these days.

 

=====================

 

“So … are we going to talk about what made you flip your shit today?”

Stiles turned around in their bed to look at Derek, propping his head up on his elbow and Derek sighed, still looking like a kicked dog.

“I don’t know. That boy’s scent triggered a really bad memory and I guess I … lost my head.”

“You sure did. I mean, so did I, for a moment there, but you were definitely the anti-hero of the day. Though you did look pretty hot with your garlic and that magnificent _stake_ ,” Stiles said fondly, reaching over and carding his hand through Derek’s hair when the werewolf huffed.

“I don’t even know what happened it’s just … everyone was so sure you’d be the one to go crazy when she started dating, so I guess I never really prepared myself for the possibility that instead of having to talk _you_ down you’d have to be one to talk _me_ down. It’s just … she’s my baby! And he didn’t smell right and I just …”

He sighed, rubbing his eyes.

“I guess we are morally obligated to like our kid’s first love but I’m going to be honest with you … I don’t like that kid! Vampire or not.”

Stiles chuckled, snuggling into his side and resting his head on Derek’s chest, breathing in and out with the soft rise and fall of his torso.

“If it makes you feel better – my Daddy instincts are telling me that kid won’t be around for long.”

“You think so?” Derek asked, sounding hopeful, and Stiles nodded, fingers moving down to card through the thick hair on Derek’s forearms.

“He likes her, and I guess she likes him ok, but I don’t think they’re really all that gone on each other. She would have been a lot more upset with us if they were, to be honest. And with a little luck they’ll figure it out _before_ our kid decides she needs to … uhm … _experiment_.”

“I don’t even get why she would even consider it. He truly does look like a bat!” Derek said darkly and Stiles grinned, lightly slapping Derek’s stomach.

“Hey! No judging the kid just because he didn’t get the memo that emos are _so_ two decades ago. At _least_. Besides, not everyone can be as hot as you are, so don’t you go be all mean to the poor little cave-dweller.”

He grinned, shaking his head.

“I’d call him Batman, but Batman is actually _cool_ , so I won’t, but man, that boy does look like a bat. In hindsight I can almost but not quite understand why you thought he was a vampire. I will admit though that he did look terrifying with her red lipstick smeared all over him. Which I don’t remember her leaving the house with, so she probably put that on in the car and I think we need to have a talk with Erica. Which is pretty damn terrifying in itself.”

Derek grunted in heartfelt agreement.

They were silent for a while and just as Stiles was about to move back to his side Derek spoke again, sounding curious.

“What kind of guy do you think she’ll bring home for good? Or girl, I guess,” he mused and Stiles made a curious sound himself.

“Huh. I honestly couldn’t tell you, I mean, I would have never expected her to bring home Batman’s accidental lab clone, so I’m guessing she’ll probably surprise us. I can tell you what kind of man I _hope_ she brings home, though. Or woman. But I’m actually pretty sure she’ll bring home a man, so let’s see … I’d want him to be smart, kind, patient, and calm. That last one, especially, she needs someone who won’t rise to the bait, I think. Mentally stable, too, and dependable. Oh, and tolerant, especially during the full moon. I know she’s still in puberty and all, but if the attitude during the full moon continues she’ll need someone with the patience of a saint. Or just someone who doesn’t take BS, I guess. The point is moot though, she’ll probably go for a pirate with a leatherjacket.”

“You said that before the bat and look what happened,” Derek sighed, fingers carding through Stiles’ hair absentmindedly.

“You do realize whom you just described, right?” he asked and Stiles sighed as well, turning his head so he could look at Derek.

“It breaks my heart to say this, especially because I feel like I’m _him_ in that scenario, but I’m afraid to say our daughter will always be the Lydia to Will Finstock’s Pre-Derek-Stiles. Well, apart for the fact that they’ve been friends for years, but you get what I’m saying, right?”

“Very much so. Smelled it, too. It was hard to miss,” Derek said mournfully and Stiles sighed again.

“She must, have, too, I mean even I can smell the love-sickness on that boy and I’m not even a werewolf.”

“He’d be perfect for her,” Derek muttered, holding up his hand and slowing ticking off his fingers.

“He’s extremely smart – I mean, that Coach of yours is right, Leo-Pie would have failed math years ago if it wasn’t for him. He’s patient with her, even when she gets snappy and frustrated over pre-calculus, and he’s very kind. And he reacted wonderfully when his father clued him in on the entire werewolf situation after he told us he knew during that first Lacrosse practice, so he’d probably tolerate her mood-swings during the full moon as well.”

“I thought I’d die laughing when he showed up in our living room looking all serious with his little professor glasses and told our daughter that his dad didn’t mind the two of them continuing to study for math as long as she wore a bite-guard. Kid’s as stoic as Boyd on his best days; even I couldn’t tell if he was being serious. Leo-Pie’s expression was priceless!”

Derek chuckled, letting out a surprised huff when Stiles wiggled around on his chest once more, maneuvering himself so he was lying half on top of Derek, hovering over him.

“She doesn’t like him like that though, does she? I mean, I don’t think she does and I know you don’t like to sniff for these things with the pack kids – that boy’s fears were really unfounded, if you think about it – but did you ever catch a sign she might like him? At least a little?”

“Poor Will is pining to the point where it’s almost unbearable to watch and she’s either completely oblivious or doesn’t care. Because I love her and like to think we are raising a good person, I’d go for the former. But no, she’s definitely his Lydia.”

“Poor kid,” Stiles sighed, raising his eyebrow when Derek snorted.

“What?”

“Oh, I don’t know. He might find his own Derek one day, so ‘poor kid’ is maybe not the right term here?”

“Nah, I never stopped loving Lydia, I hate my life. Sorry I didn’t tell you, it just never came up. In fact, if she showed up here right this minute I would ... _fuck_!”

“Would what? Curse? I don’t think she’ll go for that,” Derek grinned, twisting his wrist just slightly and Stiles moaned contentedly, gently nipping at Derek’s nose.

“Do you think we still deserve sexy-times after we ruined Leonie’s date with a stunt she’ll tell her great-grandchildren about? It doesn’t seem fair, does it?”

Derek’s response was another twist of his hand and Stiles promptly decided fairness was wildly overrated.

 

================

 

“And this concludes my presentation on what to _actually_ do if vampires ever invade our territory … or try dating the pack-children.”

Lydia, who was spending the weekend at Scott and Allison’s, smirked as she sat her marker down, turning away from the whiteboard Derek and Stiles kept in their living room for pack-meetings.

Even though Stiles wasn’t a werewolf he was sure he could hear his oldest daughter laughing upstairs, where she was currently watching the combined McCall and Hale-Stilinski-brood and he sighed, resigned to the fact that he and Derek would never live this down.

“To be fair that kid did look like a bat,” Scott chimed in and Stiles weakly fist-bumped him in thanks, while Derek just stared at his coffee-mug as if he could find the secrets of parenting in there.

Isaac, Erica, and Boyd – the latter two who had left their children with Erica’s parents – snickered, and Cora laughed loudly from the computer, obviously regretting she was currently on vacation with her children.

“I would have paid good money to see all of that going down,” she said and Scott shrugged, wrapping his arm around Allison’s shoulders.

“In all fairness, if Chris hadn’t decided to prank them I don’t think they would have overreacted like that. No one can fake a heartbeat … which Derek would have probably remembered if he hadn’t been freaking out at the time. So,” he mused, squinting at the list of items still on the agenda and then looking at the clock, shaking his head with a sigh.

“Moving on to the next item of equal significance: trading-relations between the Hale-McCall pack and the Carver-Whittemore pack. Specifically, the lending of my beloved daughter Ellie’s stuffed bunny to Emilia Whittemore, who has yet to return it and thus caused a long and drawn-out crying episode last night. Sadly, Jackson and Aiden are late and unable to answer to these accusations, so I guess we should move on to …”

“We’re not the only thing that’s _late_!”

The adults’ heads whipped around towards the door, where a beaming Jackson had just tugged in an equally excited looking Aiden, their shit-eating grins bright enough to power a small nuclear factory.

“Huh?” Scott asked and Aiden shrugged good-naturedly, gently nudging Jackson’s shoulder.

“Technically everything’s on time, of course, since I’m lacking part of the equipment for that expression to make sense, but what he meant to say is …”

“We’re having a baby!” Jackson interrupted him, looking almost impossibly excited, and the present pack-members – who were all very much aware of the fact that Aiden and Jackson had been trying for almost two years – erupted into whoops and offers of congratulations, Derek and Stiles’ latest parenting-blunder completely forgotten.

“That’s so awesome, guys, I’m so happy for you!” Scott beamed once the noise had died down and he was about to continue when there was a crackling sound, making him stop in his tracks.

Kara had been suffering from night-terrors lately, so Derek and Stiles had gotten in the habit of using the baby-phone again for emergencies and it was currently sitting on the table, forgotten there after the twins’ afternoon nap.

The McCall and Hale-Stilinski children had apparently moved into Maggie and Kara’s room, unaware that the phone was still transmitting as they discussed what they had clearly just overheard.

“So … if they are having a baby, does that mean Uncle Jackson and Uncle Aiden _did it_?”

That was Cas, his voice rather skeptical, and after a short pause Noah answered, sounding every bit like the serious little professor he was.

“I think so … that’s what you do when you want to have babies.”

“Ewww, you mean they had …”

“Hush Alex! Ellie’s here!”

Twelve year old Mikey McCall sounded scandalized when he hushed his ten year old brother and a second later his four year old sister Ellie’s voice chirped through the baby-phone, sounding incredibly confused.

“What did they have? Did they have cake, Alex? I want cake, too! Can I have cake?”

“What? Why would you even … No! Ellie, you cannot have _cake_ , you are way too young for cake! Also, Daddy says you can’t have cake until you’re 30, so no!”

“But Mikey, I want cake now!”

“Me, too!” Maggie seconded the motion and Kara exclaimed, “Cherry-Cake! With pudding!” in support.

“No one is having cake, girls,” Leonie interrupted, sounding a little frazzled and Stiles had to bite his lip when Alex asked, “But Leo-Pie … aren’t they a little old for … you know … _cake_?”, throwing an amused glance at Scott when the True Alpha gaped at Jackson and Aiden in helpless apology.

“I don’t think so Alex. I mean, they are both younger than our Papa was when he had Maggie and Kara and …”

“Papa gets cake, too? Not fair!”

Maggie sounded outraged and a moment later six year old Thomas McCall raised his voice.

“So they _did_ a cake and now they are going to have a baby? How does _that_ work? Did he eat the baby with the cake?”

“First you mix the batter and then you put it in the oven and when it’s all baked then you have a cake! That’s how Mommy does it! But she doesn’t do it with Daddy, she always does it alone! Yesterday she did it with Aunt Lydia! They had lots of fun in the kitchen!”

Ellie sounded incredibly proud and Stiles unceremoniously stuffed his arm into his mouth to keep from screaming in hysterics, feeling Derek shake next to him at Scott and Allison’s horrified expressions.

When Leonie spoke next she sounded like she was fighting a similar battle, her voice a little pressed when she said, “No one baked a cake Ellie, that’s not how it works. They are having a baby because they love each other very much. Just like your mommy and daddy!”

Thomas, who was too young to remember a pregnant Derek, clucked his tongue.

“But how can they have a baby? In the movies only the mommies have babies in their bellies. They are daddies, they can’t have a baby in their belly!”

“Uncle Aiden is an Alpha werewolf. That means he can have a baby in his belly without being a mommy. Just like our Papa had us,” Noah lectured, seemingly unfazed, and now Thomas sounded almost like Scott in his bafflement.

“Your Papa is your Mommy?” he asked, even more confused, and Kara let out an indignant huff, exclaiming, “Our Papa isn’t our mommy!” followed by, “He’s our Papa!” from an equally scandalized Maggie.

“Wait!” Alex exclaimed, sounding very curious all of a sudden.

“My daddy is an Alpha werewolf, too! Does that mean Daddy can have a baby without Mommy?”

“Yes! Can Daddy have a baby? I want a sister!” Ellie cried excitedly and once again it was Noah who answered, his voice gentle when he said, “Sorry Ellie, you need at least two people for a baby. He can’t make a baby without your mommy. Our papa could only have a baby because Daddy loves him so much.”

“But Uncle Stiles loves Daddy, too! That means he can make a baby with Daddy! Please, I want to go ask them, can I?”

Stiles’ laughter stopped abruptly the same moment Scott started choking and before he could even begin to prepare himself there was the sound of little feet trampling down the stairs, followed by an excited, “Uncle Stiles!” as Ellie marched to the couch, a wide grin on her face as she beamed up at him.

“Noah says you can make babies with Alpha werewolves! Noah has _three_ sisters and I want one, too, can you please make a baby-sister with Daddy? Please? _Pleeeeeease_?”

Ellie McCall had – the pack was unanimously in agreement – the most effective set of puppy-dog eyes anyone had ever seen, combining her large brown orbs with her adorably crooked jaw-line, deep dimples, and long brown pig-tails into a killer-combination of cuteness.

When she blinked at him endearingly Stiles let out a sound that was stuck between an ‘awwwww’ and a ‘save me Derek, I can’t say no even though it’s a no-brainer’, looking at his mate helplessly.

Derek, the traitor, was smirking with a raised eyebrow, his arm thrown across Allison’s shoulders.

“What do you say, should I lend him out to you for the night?” he asked and Allison cocked her head, looking for all intents and purposes as if she was considering the question.

“Please, Mommy, please! Uncle Stiles is really good at making babies, Noah says so!”

“You lucky dog, Derek!” Erica whispered under her breath, managing to keep her composure for one more second before she dissolved into a puddle of laughter against Boyd’s shoulder.

“Thanks for the vote of confidence, son!” Stiles groaned, hiding his face behind his hands and Noah, who had been hiding behind Leonie, flinched.

“I’m so sorry Daddy!” he whispered, looking like he was not only aware of the monster he had created but also deeply regretting his life-choices – how he was able to pull that look off at 11 Stiles didn’t even want to know and was ready to blame on the Hale genes.

“Ellie-Baby, Uncle Stiles belongs to Uncle Derek and Daddy belongs to Mommy. If Uncle Stiles makes a baby-sister with Daddy that means Mommy and Uncle Derek will be very sad,” Scott explained quickly, squatting down in front of Ellie and Stiles while looking equal parts horrified and embarrassed.

“But _everyone_ has a sister!” Ellie protested, pointing fingers at the pack members accusingly.

“Channing has Polly, Jacob has Finja, Noah and Cas have _three_ sisters, Josie has _two_ sisters and now she’s getting _another_ sister and it’s just not fair Daddy!”

“Come here Ellie-Baby,” Jackson said fondly, opening his arms and smiling gently when Ellie crawled onto his lap with a very put-upon expression, her lips wobbling just the tiniest little bit.

“Does Polly have a sister?” Jackson asked and after a moment Ellie shook her head, frowning at him.

“Does Finja have a sister?” Jackson continued and once again Ellie shook her head, though her frown was significantly smaller now.

“See Baby-Girl, you’re not the only one without a sister. But you have three awesome brothers who always look out for you, isn’t that great, too?” he continued and Ellie looked at her sheepishly smiling big brothers in contemplation before she nodded slowly, turning back towards Jackson.

“That’s true Uncle Jackson! They play pirates with me and I don’t have to be the princess if I don’t want to … and when I can’t climb up a tree they carry me on their backs, even though Daddy says I’m too young,” she decided, completely unaware of the very accusatory look Scott was directing at his three sons at her declaration.

Jackson grinned when Ellie threw her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek, her thunderstorm expression replaced with her usual sunny disposition as she crawled over onto Aiden’s lap and patted his belly.

“You should be a brother! Brothers are awesome and Josie, Goldie, and Emilia only have sisters,” she decided, pressing her little ear against Aiden’s flat stomach before grinning up at him.

“The baby says he thinks so too!” she declared to the pack at large, nodding her little pig-tails up and down energetically.

Stiles did not melt into a complete puddle of goo but it was a near thing when Jackson bent down and pressed his ear right next to Ellie’s, looking up at his husband with a beaming smile and whispering, “He really does. And so do I.”

Dating-mishaps aside there were many happy events in the Hale-McCall and Carver-Whittemore pack’s future and Stiles was looking forward to every single one of them.

**Author's Note:**

> Still some stories left to be written in this verse, including such fun tidbits as:
> 
> \- Stiles' POV of the Mpreg Fics  
> \- Aiden and Jackson's road to becoming a (very happy!) family  
> \- A teen pregnancy scare  
> \- A panicked delivery of 'the talk' Stiles might not have thought all the way through  
> \- That time all the way back when Stiles and Derek role-played Twilight and almost broke up over it  
> \- Scott and Stiles' long awaited and hoped-for shared grand baby  
> \- Leonie's wedding  
> \- The last story, with a final scene that's very much full-circle and made me kinda weepy when I wrote it (I actually wrote the last scene of the last story a while back, JK Rowling style, but that one won't come your way for quite a while .. too many headcanons to finish, still)
> 
> For those of you who pay attention to my little ramble-notes here, I finally settled on who will be the mom/dad of Derek and Stiles' first grand-baby, so that's progress!
> 
>  
> 
> I appreciate you guys so much and I hope you enjoyed this new installment!


End file.
